BUS...... AB AUR NAHI !!!

I had to be at the office by 11 am, my first formal interview, for my summer training.
I left home early by 9 am as I had to go by bus. During my one and a half hour journey, (i'll be taking you through the train of thoughts that sprung up in my head), i learnt a lot about human behaviour and a few tips for people who would be travelling in crowded buses. It did take my mind off the interview but I certainly wouldn't say I was relaxed; how could you when all you can see are jasmine flowers hanging on sweaty necks and all you can smell is a complex mix of talcum, hair oil and sweat and that too for an hour or so.
I wait for my bus and wait and wait... I soon realize that more fighter jets have passed above me that any buses (believe me this is true..and...NO!!!!!!!! I don't live in Israel but there is an airforce station nearby). Then one bus comes ambling along, shrouded in its own smoke tilted by 15 deg to its left carrying its normal load of 80 people and more importantly it was my bus. luckily there was another bus coming up behind it which I couln't see because of the smoke from the previous bus. As usual (like our FFO class) nobody gets down from the bus, people only get in, I managed to find a place (not to sit...) to keep my feet. I pay the fat female conductor 7 rupees for my ticket. I really appreciate the APSRTC 's initiative to ensure equality for women, but it really doesn't make practical sense to employ women as conductors. I do agree that there are fat men conductors too but women conductors would be wider...
These buses could be used as cheap replacements for training astronauts and F1 drivers... the G-forces that a passenger (esp a standee) experiences are phenomenal, it feels as though the bus body is attached to the chassis with glue or something. No wonder Indians are storming the moto-racing scene. A few generations of bus travelling Indians and we'll be ruling the roost in F1!!

Then the complex mix of smells I was referring to earlier triggered this chemical reaction in my head which I commonly call irritation. I start pondering about India's burgeoning population and where it is coming from (I do know the answer but...;) , then I realize the reasons as to why this is happening and then finally end up taking the resolution not to marry. During the course of my next hour or so I make the following deductions which could be tips or you could just use them as jokes....

• The only thing that could be worse that being a victim to pickpocketing is being beaten up for pickpocketing yourself!!! Be alert!! Make sure you don't get thrashed for pickpocketing by GOOD SAMARITANS; while removing your own wallet from your own pocket!!! It could happen in a crowded bus... nobody knows whose hand is whose....

• On a bus apart from sharing everyone's concern for the environment (??????) ... you also end up sharing their sweat.

• At any point of time (in wet states) there will ATLEAST be one drunk person on the bus. Make sure you dont have to share your sweat with him esp. if your on your way to the office.
  

• IF!!!!! (by god's grace) you find a seat, be ready to double up as a (in)voluntary luggage rack for people standing next to you.

• Be ready to face irascible bus conductors (male/female) whose stress levels are say a 100 times greater that a FW class CAT aspirant the day before the exam. I mean there is so much fuss about stress in today's corporate world. I'm sure the conductors are better equipped to handle even greater levels of stress. I spent only an hour on that bus the conductor spends the whole day!!!
  

• Don't bother getting into a crowded bus if you are too particular about getting down with your ironed shirt still ironed.
  

• Don't crib about not getting a seat to sit on; look out (if you can!!!) of the windows near the foot board there, will be (half a dozen or so) people with just their nails inside the bus!!

• There are no rush hours; only non-rush hours and ->crush<- hours.

• This I call the central dogma for the existence of a crowded bus..
• No. of people boarding the bus is ALWAYS GREATER than the no. of people getting down.

I heard the conductor call out Panjagutta and I broke out of my train of thoughts.. I guess I ran out of time rather than out of thoughts. But I certainly was more relaxed than when I got onto the bus. It might have been the interview scare or my thoughts itself or just because I was some how more enlightened about travelling in a crowded bus.

I returned with a seat and my summer internship.